MikeFarag.com

Listening vs. Leading: Why You Have to Do Both

By 1 Comment

Too many CEOs, entrepreneurs, husbands, managers and do-it-yourselfers think we have to have all the answers in order to lead.

We’re fixers. Present us with a problem and we will tell you how to fix it.  You probably don’t even have to ask us — we will volunteer the answers, because we want to help.  It validates us as a leader. We believe in order to be a leader, we need to know the answers and be in the business of fixing things. As men especially, we are drawn to the process of fixing things.

There are two issues with this line of reasoning:

  1. You probably don’t need to be fixed, just listened to.
  2. Leading is more about listening than most of us care to admit.

So what do we do with this?  How do we move from fixing leaders to leaders who, truly listens?  I’m happy to offer some “fixes” for your consideration:

  • Learn how to listen — that’s right, it takes practice like anything in our lives.
  • Try not offering solutions verbally.  Write them down and send them later.
  • Journaling — a personal journal — is a must for growing.  Write down and reflect on your specific challenges of leading and listening. (If you need a journal or idea book, send me a note and I’ll shoot you one).

Too many of us (especially men) are trying to fix things when we really need to lead…. ahem, I mean listen.

Building a Business You Love

By Leave a Comment

If you own your own business or run a nonprofit, you may love what you do.

Love is blinding. It will make you do crazy things.

When you start a business you love, you are going to need people around you who can help make sure crazy stays out of it as much as possible. Running a business can be difficult enough, without careless decisions being made. It’s so important that people think carefully about what they’re doing when starting a business. As it all costs money to start with, you need to make sure you’re not losing any money. Everything you do should be done to benefit the business in the long-term. For example, investing in social media marketing would be a beneficial thing to do. That can increase the online presence of the business, making people more aware of it. Within social media marketing, it’s important that applications like Instagram are fully utilized to ensure you increase brand awareness. To create an audience on Instagram, it might be worth using a new tool called Nitreo to try and grow your Instagram account. This should give you more chance of creating a larger online audience to promote your products and services. Hopefully, that should increase sales and help your business to grow.

As businesses begin to grow, people can become a little overwhelmed and the silly decisions can begin creeping in again. If that happens, it’s important to have some trusted people around you that can help you think about these decisions. In business, a little crazy is good. A lot of it? Not so much. That’s when problems can start arising.

To combat this, find three people you can count on and make sure they know enough about your business to help you. Ideally, you should then give them permission to do these three things:

  1. Challenge you on an idea you have
  2. Make sure you finish what you start
  3. Encourage you when you are struggling

 

Tough Conversations

By Leave a Comment

Avoiding tough conversations can keep you from growing.

It’s no surprise that most of us avoid tough conversations. They hurt. There is the potential for lasting effects. So we just put it off.

Here’s the thing — putting off a tough conversation can, in fact, keep you from healing, in the wrong job, from reconciliation and more.

Let’s not be callous here. This is not a license to just fire away. However, with the right timing and right delivery, tough conversations can help both sides grow and avoid prolonged hurting.

What do you say we try this out in our business, friendships, and marriages  — starting today.

An Army Major and a French Civilian Changing Afghanistan Through Relationships

By 1 Comment

As I sat and listened to them sharing stories, remembering their time together in Afghanistan, it was like I could see the country through their tales of great people, challenges and the personalities they met there.

Although they were stationed there for different missions from different governments they shared coffee and connections freely. In preparation for finishing his deployment the Major had systematically shared many of his connections with his French buddy.  Leveraging his relationship to help another gain favor and begin much further ahead than he would have been if left on his own.

This exchange of contacts had a huge impact on the Major, his friend and I can only imagine even more on the Afghan people.

Connections matter. Sharing those connections freely matters more.

Living Ahead Means Losing Today

By Leave a Comment

When I was 25 years old, I was living more like how 45 year olds might live.

Brand new big house in the ‘burbs, two fancy cars in the drive, great job, married to my high school gal.  I even dressed the part.  Hey, you need to act as if, right?!  And I did, climbing that corporate ladder and always reaching for what was next.  I rarely was satisfied with where I was. I was always looking for the next move.

The problem was I was missing the ride. I focused so much on the future that I missed out on a lot of the present. Living ahead was causing me to lose today. I hear a lot of people talk about living in “the present” and I have to admit, it’s still really difficult for me.  I love to dream.  I don’t have a magic recipe that works and all of a sudden – boom! – you’re living contently with where you are today. But I have managed to eek out a few things that seem to help me.

  • Spend less than you make. Simple right?! You could stop here and your life would never be the same.  I’m not talking about being able to make the payments here folks, I mean own what you have.  Then you get to choose the work you do and you don’t have to do a job or extra things just to live. 
  • Journal. Something about writing things down that helps us appreciate what we have been given.
  • Quick breaks every 6 months. Taking a day to recoup and turn off the noise is crucial. I like to go for a night to Conception Abbey, or a quick night of camping.  Even late night walks around the city seem to help.

Focusing on tomorrow isn’t evil, but it can keep you from being open to what today is all about.

The Cost of Doing Nothing is Too High (part 2)

By Leave a Comment

Too many of us are working to check things off a list, working so we can get back to wasting time. Wasting time doing something meaningless is still doing nothing; it just has a different flavor. But the tide is turning – turning towards working hard to make an impact, to make a difference, to create and build.

I’m reading Blue Like Jazz. I know I’m about 10 years late on this one, but it was only $3 on Amazon. Donald Miller says this:

I believe the greatest trick of the devil is not to get us into some sort of evil but rather have us wasting time. – Miller

I was under the impression that this was life until a few years ago. I mean, who doesn’t love coming home to watch Mad Men or Seinfeld reruns and just decompressing? The thing is, Candy Crush Saga doesn’t improve you in any way. When I was a kid, I loved TV so much my dad actually offered to pay me to take a month off. I wish I would have taken it. I don’t own a TV today even though Amazon Prime sneaks its way on to my iPad at times. I’m not professing not to struggle with wasting time, I’m confessing. Here are a few freakishly practical things that help me get more done:

  • Get rid of that huge TV – I know, I know. But if there are Oreos in the house, you are going to eat more Oreos than if there were none at all. If you know something will distract you, just get rid of that distraction altogether.
  • Get a good list app and make lists – I like Wunderlist, but also
    like Things and Clear (or just start by using reminders on the iPhone). Include steps towards your dreams and goals and remember impact as you make this list.
  •  Get up 30 minutes earlier – seems easy, but 30 minutes a day adds up to lots more movement. And since a body in motion stays in motion, this keeps you from wasting another minute.

Let’s not waste another minute. The wasting time, the cost of doing nothing, is too high.

The Cost of Doing Nothing is Too High (part 1)

By Leave a Comment

The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing. – Burke

Criticism is something we can avoid easily by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing. – Aristotle

I love reading quotes like these because it seems doing nothing has become something of a badge of honor. Too many businesses hoping for a huge payday so they can go lay on a beach somewhere. Too many people playing the lottery and hoping for much of the same. Too few are doing things that matter.

I feel the tide is changing: from working towards the elusive carefree life, to working towards making an impact. People want to make a difference and are hungry for making and doing things that matter. Although I feel like we are more inclined than ever to waste time, it’s a trick. Wasting time doing something meaningless is still doing nothing; it just has a different flavor.

Games, TV, movies. What could you have made with that hour? What could you have created? How could you have made an impact?

On Surviving Divorce “Successfully”

By 1 Comment

I often get asked, “How did you survive your divorce? You seem to really be happy now.”

One friend even confided in me years after my divorce, “I like you a lot more now.”

The answer is pretty simple:

I finally started relying on Christ more than I relied on myself – at least most days.

It didn’t happen overnight, however there’s something powerful about hitting your knees and really asking for Him to lead you. He will do it. It’s crazy.

We can argue about what it means to “survive” or what it means to be “happy”. All I can tell you is that when I began to listen, He began to provide – a whole new career, true healing, time, renewed passion for life, a perfect woman. Sounds good right?! Trust me I couldn’t have planned this.

To be sure, there are still times when the scars resurface. Most of the time it’s when I begin to add too much of me and not enough of God in my life; when I read the Word less; when I am off on my own thing. That’s when it’s the most difficult.

Come to think of it, this is true no matter if you are divorced or not. It just happens to be my story.

One thing that I would like to add about getting through a divorce is that if you are in the process of planning to get married, you might want to consider researching whether a prenuptial agreement might be right for you. One of my friends is currently in the early stages of getting a divorce, and although he is of course sad that his marriage has come to an end, taking out a prenuptial agreement has made the process of dividing his assets with his former wife so much easier.

Put simply, a prenuptial agreement is a document that couples can choose to sign before they get married. In short, this document outlines how property and assets should be divided if the relationship ends in divorce. A prenup can include anything from cash sums to intellectual property rights and shares. You can learn more about the benefits of putting a prenup in place by contacting a team of Los Angeles prenup attorneys or a team of family law specialists in your area.

Have you ever been through a divorce? If so, feel free to share your story below. Getting a divorce is not always going to be easy, but it is important to remember that you do not need to suffer in silence.

The Pain is in the Wrong Place (#2)

By Leave a Comment

A good friend challenged me after the earlier post commenting that; “I didn’t quite make good” on my title and teaching on how to apply the content of “The Pain is in the Wrong Place” post.

I like a good challenge and those who are courageous enough to help, make us better. So here goes…

Too often we miss out on valuable lessons because, as my dad would say, “the pain was in the wrong place”.  For a long time I didn’t know exactly what he meant by that. However, through some stories (like “The Beast”) and mishaps in my life, I’m beginning to learn it.

The pain is in the wrong place when:

…your wife feels wronged by you but won’t talk to you about it (and vice versa).

…a friend keeps the truth to themselves when they could share and heal the situation.

…students are required to buy a physical book when it could easily be delivered electronically, just because it’s what happened the previous 40 years and keeps someone employed.

…a supervisor punishes an entire team for the actions of one individual (see also Don’t Use a Shotgun).

…a small business owner who needs to grow (or hire or buy equipment) can’t because someone in government, who has never owned or operated a small business, decides the rules (insurance, taxes, business licenses, take your pick).

Having the pain in the right place is the key.  If not, then make moves to get it there.

I’m not advocating that it takes pain to learn. However, if some form of learning “pain” isn’t where it should be, no one wins (or learns).

Let’s Connect

FERVOR

  At Fervor we are dedicated to more than marketing, we help those out to make an impact bigger than the bottom line. More Here.