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Learn From Each Other….

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There is no substitute for serving. Serving changes lives on multiple levels. For example, we learn from those we serve, and they learn from us. Often, we also learn from those with whom we serve. Such was the case for me on a recent trip to Haiti with a fantastic nonprofit The Global Orphan Project.

One was a CEO…

Many men and women have been given the title CEO. Many have fallen horribly short of the leadership qualities that we pray thattitle exudes.

This week in Haiti, I met a man who fulfills that title unlike many who share it.

  • He laughs as loud as he loves.
  • He prays as fervently as he advocates for the children his organization cares for.
  • He preaches with as much passion as he has for his work.
  • He plays with children as easily as he leads. His faith is as powerful as his presence.
  • His actions are real, tangible and faithful.

For my new friend, Jim, who took over 40 of his staff and teens in care to Haiti, it really doesn’t matter if he had the title CEO or not he would still embody everything we desire that title to truly mean…. a true CEO isn’t a title you’re given it’s lived out in action.

Another was a teenager…

“t’s not every day that a 16-year-old young man provides a profound insight into true love. But he did.

It’s not every day that an orphaned child from Haiti teaches him that lesson. But she did.

‘I need to learn to love with no strings attached like they do.’ His words hit me hard. They are still messing with my soul.

How does a child of 16 know so much? How does a six-year-old Haitian teach him? God knows. He delights in using interesting messengers with simple messages.

Our next steps are now the same…strive to love with no strings attached.

To learn more about the joy of learning from, serving with, and loving others, visit my friends at GO Project.

Never Get Used to It.

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Never get used to the homeless man sleeping on the side of the road — no matter how many you pass.

Never get used to the poverty you see in the world — no matter how much of it you witness.

Never get used to the way your marriage is today — no matter how good (or bad) it is.

Never get used to having your family around — they are gone before you know it.

Never get used to it.

Instead, use these encounters and experiences. Use them to engage and change something for the better.

It’s not rocket science.  If we want a different result we have to take a different action — and never get used to the current state of things.

I AM The Problem

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Recently, I watched the documentary I AM by Director Tom Shadyac (of Ace Ventura and Bruce Almighty). Actually, to be truthful, my wife made me watch it.

It’s inspired me in something I have been considering for a long time – to ask more questions of people on how to impact the world for the better. In fact, Tom’s overarching goal with this film is to search for answers to two questions:

  1. What’s wrong with the world, and;
  2. What we (you and I) can do about it?

Seems simple right?! Not so fast. When you really think about it (and as the documentary does a pretty good job of asking some really smart people), most of the time it’s not others that are at the root of the issue. It’s ourselves. Our fears, our selfishness, our lack of action, or sometimes even our actions.

However…

There is hope. Our connectedness to one another is key. Our innate desire to be in community and be connected has the power to root out our selfishness and make things that weren’t possible alone, possible. I think there is more to this equation. I think that the underlying reason for our connectedness is God. He put it there for a reason. I think that’s why so many people like Tom (and myself) are so unsatisfied when they reach what the world identifies as important and go searching for something more. He put in our soul the desire to be more than wealthy, to be more than our titles, to be more than famous. He put the desire for community, for impact, to be a part of something bigger than ourselves.

That’s not an accident. Alone, I am the problem. But in community (and faith)….well that’s a whole different story.

Listening vs. Leading: Why You Have to Do Both

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Too many CEOs, entrepreneurs, husbands, managers and do-it-yourselfers think we have to have all the answers in order to lead.

We’re fixers. Present us with a problem and we will tell you how to fix it.  You probably don’t even have to ask us — we will volunteer the answers, because we want to help.  It validates us as a leader. We believe in order to be a leader, we need to know the answers and be in the business of fixing things. As men especially, we are drawn to the process of fixing things.

There are two issues with this line of reasoning:

  1. You probably don’t need to be fixed, just listened to.
  2. Leading is more about listening than most of us care to admit.

So what do we do with this?  How do we move from fixing leaders to leaders who, truly listens?  I’m happy to offer some “fixes” for your consideration:

  • Learn how to listen — that’s right, it takes practice like anything in our lives.
  • Try not offering solutions verbally.  Write them down and send them later.
  • Journaling — a personal journal — is a must for growing.  Write down and reflect on your specific challenges of leading and listening. (If you need a journal or idea book, send me a note and I’ll shoot you one).

Too many of us (especially men) are trying to fix things when we really need to lead…. ahem, I mean listen.

Tough Conversations

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Avoiding tough conversations can keep you from growing.

It’s no surprise that most of us avoid tough conversations. They hurt. There is the potential for lasting effects. So we just put it off.

Here’s the thing — putting off a tough conversation can, in fact, keep you from healing, in the wrong job, from reconciliation and more.

Let’s not be callous here. This is not a license to just fire away. However, with the right timing and right delivery, tough conversations can help both sides grow and avoid prolonged hurting.

What do you say we try this out in our business, friendships, and marriages  — starting today.

Living Ahead Means Losing Today

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When I was 25 years old, I was living more like how 45 year olds might live.

Brand new big house in the ‘burbs, two fancy cars in the drive, great job, married to my high school gal.  I even dressed the part.  Hey, you need to act as if, right?!  And I did, climbing that corporate ladder and always reaching for what was next.  I rarely was satisfied with where I was. I was always looking for the next move.

The problem was I was missing the ride. I focused so much on the future that I missed out on a lot of the present. Living ahead was causing me to lose today. I hear a lot of people talk about living in “the present” and I have to admit, it’s still really difficult for me.  I love to dream.  I don’t have a magic recipe that works and all of a sudden – boom! – you’re living contently with where you are today. But I have managed to eek out a few things that seem to help me.

  • Spend less than you make. Simple right?! You could stop here and your life would never be the same.  I’m not talking about being able to make the payments here folks, I mean own what you have.  Then you get to choose the work you do and you don’t have to do a job or extra things just to live. 
  • Journal. Something about writing things down that helps us appreciate what we have been given.
  • Quick breaks every 6 months. Taking a day to recoup and turn off the noise is crucial. I like to go for a night to Conception Abbey, or a quick night of camping.  Even late night walks around the city seem to help.

Focusing on tomorrow isn’t evil, but it can keep you from being open to what today is all about.

The Cost of Doing Nothing is Too High (part 2)

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Too many of us are working to check things off a list, working so we can get back to wasting time. Wasting time doing something meaningless is still doing nothing; it just has a different flavor. But the tide is turning – turning towards working hard to make an impact, to make a difference, to create and build.

I’m reading Blue Like Jazz. I know I’m about 10 years late on this one, but it was only $3 on Amazon. Donald Miller says this:

I believe the greatest trick of the devil is not to get us into some sort of evil but rather have us wasting time. – Miller

I was under the impression that this was life until a few years ago. I mean, who doesn’t love coming home to watch Mad Men or Seinfeld reruns and just decompressing? The thing is, Candy Crush Saga doesn’t improve you in any way. When I was a kid, I loved TV so much my dad actually offered to pay me to take a month off. I wish I would have taken it. I don’t own a TV today even though Amazon Prime sneaks its way on to my iPad at times. I’m not professing not to struggle with wasting time, I’m confessing. Here are a few freakishly practical things that help me get more done:

  • Get rid of that huge TV – I know, I know. But if there are Oreos in the house, you are going to eat more Oreos than if there were none at all. If you know something will distract you, just get rid of that distraction altogether.
  • Get a good list app and make lists – I like Wunderlist, but also
    like Things and Clear (or just start by using reminders on the iPhone). Include steps towards your dreams and goals and remember impact as you make this list.
  •  Get up 30 minutes earlier – seems easy, but 30 minutes a day adds up to lots more movement. And since a body in motion stays in motion, this keeps you from wasting another minute.

Let’s not waste another minute. The wasting time, the cost of doing nothing, is too high.

The Cost of Doing Nothing is Too High (part 1)

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The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing. – Burke

Criticism is something we can avoid easily by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing. – Aristotle

I love reading quotes like these because it seems doing nothing has become something of a badge of honor. Too many businesses hoping for a huge payday so they can go lay on a beach somewhere. Too many people playing the lottery and hoping for much of the same. Too few are doing things that matter.

I feel the tide is changing: from working towards the elusive carefree life, to working towards making an impact. People want to make a difference and are hungry for making and doing things that matter. Although I feel like we are more inclined than ever to waste time, it’s a trick. Wasting time doing something meaningless is still doing nothing; it just has a different flavor.

Games, TV, movies. What could you have made with that hour? What could you have created? How could you have made an impact?

The Pain is in the Wrong Place (#2)

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A good friend challenged me after the earlier post commenting that; “I didn’t quite make good” on my title and teaching on how to apply the content of “The Pain is in the Wrong Place” post.

I like a good challenge and those who are courageous enough to help, make us better. So here goes…

Too often we miss out on valuable lessons because, as my dad would say, “the pain was in the wrong place”.  For a long time I didn’t know exactly what he meant by that. However, through some stories (like “The Beast”) and mishaps in my life, I’m beginning to learn it.

The pain is in the wrong place when:

…your wife feels wronged by you but won’t talk to you about it (and vice versa).

…a friend keeps the truth to themselves when they could share and heal the situation.

…students are required to buy a physical book when it could easily be delivered electronically, just because it’s what happened the previous 40 years and keeps someone employed.

…a supervisor punishes an entire team for the actions of one individual (see also Don’t Use a Shotgun).

…a small business owner who needs to grow (or hire or buy equipment) can’t because someone in government, who has never owned or operated a small business, decides the rules (insurance, taxes, business licenses, take your pick).

Having the pain in the right place is the key.  If not, then make moves to get it there.

I’m not advocating that it takes pain to learn. However, if some form of learning “pain” isn’t where it should be, no one wins (or learns).

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