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Find Your Wife’s “Crosses” & Keep Your Marriage Strong

October 14, 2013 By Mike Farag Leave a Comment

What you may think isn’t important may just be the one thing that your wife needs from you. Here is a personal story that I hope helps some guy realize he’s missing something, change his actions and perhaps save his marriage.

The things you own end up owning you. It’s not just a great line from Fight Club. I’ve always cared a lot about having nice things. Nice cars. Nice clothes. A nice house. Not that these things are inherently bad things but they are just things. I cared so much about keeping them nice that sometimes I put them in front of people in my life. In hind sight, it contributed to the demise of my marriage.

The House. We built a brand new house in the burbs. Great looking. Big. Shiny and new. A pristine thing. Way bigger than we needed at the time.  It had this really cool great room with like 30 foot ceilings in the entryway, where I put some really cool leather and wood Bernhardt furniture. I was about 4 years into my marriage to my high school sweetheart and things were pretty perfect. Just the way I liked them.

The Crosses. My wife had been collecting crosses for a bit – old ones, new ones, ugly ones and very, very few cool ones. I can’t remember exactly but I think there were 25 crosses of varying sizes and shapes. Then she drops it on me; she wants to put them front and center in the great room. She didn’t make a big deal about it, she just asked for me to put them up. I avoided it. I really didn’t want them there, it would totally mess up the room. I suggested another room. We must have had this same conversation 4 or 5 times, and then we stopped talking about it. Score. I win.

The Divorce. Fast forward several months later, we were in the throws of our divorce and I was fighting to save it in any way possible. She had moved into an apartment not far from our great big (now empty) house. I asked her to dinner in hopes to throw a hail mary and spark something that just may save it, although it was really to discuss dividing things up. I even convinced her to let me pick her up like a date.

The Two by Four to the Face. When I arrived to pick her up at the apartment, my heart was pounding as I knocked on the door. When she opened it, I noticed there wasn’t much furniture or anything in the entire place… except EVERY ONE of those CROSSES had been hung on the wall. They were everywhere. Then it hit me, I had totally missed it. She wasn’t upset that I didn’t hang the crosses, it was far deeper than that. I hadn’t paid attention to her desires. I missed understanding and paying attention to what was important to her. I wondered how many “crosses” I missed in our marriage? And at that moment I knew my hail mary attempt wasn’t going to cut it. I should have been paying attention before that moment.

The Lesson. Find out what your wife’s “crosses” are. It’s also a continual process – not just one day.  She changes just like you do, as do her dreams. Find out the little things and the huge dreams she has for you, for her, for your family. Find out the things you may be glossing over because you are letting something (your house, your car,  your job, your friends, your agenda) get in the way of really hearing. I can promise you it’s worth it.

My Redemption Story. God has rebuilt this broken life and in a big way. It started with being open to His plan for me instead of my own. When I say rebuilt, it’s no lie. I left my comfy corporate job several years ago, traveled to Haiti, started a business, and then life really took a turn for the stellar. I met my wife on my 5th trip to Haiti – we are so uniquely fitted for each other it’s crazy. She’s incredible and He renews our hearts if we will just allow Him. I have learned a lot and am still learning how to do marriage better each day I take a breath.

There’s no super secret sauce here, the truth is Jesus renews. How or if we let that happen is our choice.

Filed Under: Advice That Matters, Divorce Tagged With: Advice, Change, Divorce, Do Something, Learn Something New, Mike Farag, Reflection

Living Ahead Means Losing Today

July 29, 2013 By Mike Farag Leave a Comment

When I was 25 years old, I was living more like how 45 year olds might live.

Brand new big house in the ‘burbs, two fancy cars in the drive, great job, married to my high school gal.  I even dressed the part.  Hey, you need to act as if, right?!  And I did, climbing that corporate ladder and always reaching for what was next.  I rarely was satisfied with where I was. I was always looking for the next move.

The problem was I was missing the ride. I focused so much on the future that I missed out on a lot of the present. Living ahead was causing me to lose today. I hear a lot of people talk about living in “the present” and I have to admit, it’s still really difficult for me.  I love to dream.  I don’t have a magic recipe that works and all of a sudden – boom! – you’re living contently with where you are today. But I have managed to eek out a few things that seem to help me.

  • Spend less than you make. Simple right?! You could stop here and your life would never be the same.  I’m not talking about being able to make the payments here folks, I mean own what you have.  Then you get to choose the work you do and you don’t have to do a job or extra things just to live. 
  • Journal. Something about writing things down that helps us appreciate what we have been given.
  • Quick breaks every 6 months. Taking a day to recoup and turn off the noise is crucial. I like to go for a night to Conception Abbey, or a quick night of camping.  Even late night walks around the city seem to help.

Focusing on tomorrow isn’t evil, but it can keep you from being open to what today is all about.

Filed Under: Advice That Matters, Change, Divorce Tagged With: Advice, Change, Divorce, Do Something, Learn Something New, Mike Farag

On Surviving Divorce “Successfully”

July 11, 2013 By Mike Farag 1 Comment

I often get asked, “How did you survive your divorce? You seem to really be happy now.”

One friend even confided in me years after my divorce, “I like you a lot more now.”

The answer is pretty simple:

I finally started relying on Christ more than I relied on myself – at least most days.

It didn’t happen overnight, however there’s something powerful about hitting your knees and really asking for Him to lead you. He will do it. It’s crazy.

We can argue about what it means to “survive” or what it means to be “happy”. All I can tell you is that when I began to listen, He began to provide – a whole new career, true healing, time, renewed passion for life, a perfect woman. Sounds good right?! Trust me I couldn’t have planned this.

To be sure, there are still times when the scars resurface. Most of the time it’s when I begin to add too much of me and not enough of God in my life; when I read the Word less; when I am off on my own thing. That’s when it’s the most difficult.

Come to think of it, this is true no matter if you are divorced or not. It just happens to be my story.

One thing that I would like to add about getting through a divorce is that if you are in the process of planning to get married, you might want to consider researching whether a prenuptial agreement might be right for you. One of my friends is currently in the early stages of getting a divorce, and although he is of course sad that his marriage has come to an end, taking out a prenuptial agreement has made the process of dividing his assets with his former wife so much easier.

Put simply, a prenuptial agreement is a document that couples can choose to sign before they get married. In short, this document outlines how property and assets should be divided if the relationship ends in divorce. A prenup can include anything from cash sums to intellectual property rights and shares. You can learn more about the benefits of putting a prenup in place by contacting a team of Los Angeles prenup attorneys or a team of family law specialists in your area.

Have you ever been through a divorce? If so, feel free to share your story below. Getting a divorce is not always going to be easy, but it is important to remember that you do not need to suffer in silence.

Filed Under: Advice That Matters, Divorce Tagged With: Advice, Divorce, Do Something, listeing, marriage, Mike Farag, Reflection

411 ON ME


 
An Ex Corporate Climber turned Entrepreneur (Founder of Fervor). An Adventure Junkie. A Reader. A Passionate Advocate for Change and Impact. Married to Kim and Coffee. On A Mission of Self Discovery...
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